my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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