dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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