In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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