I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
