It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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