I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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