you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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