I'm jealous of your bromance
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
