You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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