EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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