Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, beer. Big fan.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
