Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
