dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
