I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
