based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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