I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
