she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
