We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The power of my boobs compel you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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