people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
