Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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