I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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