I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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