yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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