It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
