Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
