bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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