So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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