I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
