omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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