I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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