The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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