hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
