It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
