she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
