whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
