I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
