I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
