Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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