oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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