I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
