I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
