dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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