Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
