Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
