When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
