we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
