smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
