He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
