I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
