I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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