i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
