I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
