singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
