Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
zippers are such a cool invention
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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