You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
