Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
