My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Panties = found
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