I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
