A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
